Give Yourself Something to Howl About

Untamed me is perhaps not as far off from the real, fully tamed me.

Photo by Tom Pottiger on Unsplash

“A healthy woman is much like a wolf: robust, chock-full, strong life force, life-giving, territorially aware, inventive, loyal, roving.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Last week I was, once again, mesmerized by the sight of the full moon from my morning meditation space. The first day, which was the day prior to the full moon, I watched it fall, fall, fall from its peak in the sky in a matter of minutes.

The next day, the day of the full moon, I couldn't see the moon from my window. It was too high. And after 45 minutes it was just barely visible from my meditation cushion. Curious.

Finally, the day after the full moon, it was out of sight completely.

The moon — especially its place in the sky upon my waking — has always been a mystery to me.

I'll just keep doing the dance to witness its spiritual presence.

Over the summer, I had an especially interesting full moon experience.

My college roommate from many moons ago suggested we head over to a wolf sanctuary for a full moon event. I was game.

Upon arrival, the experience really didn't meet our expectations.

We hardly saw any wolves.

It was cold and we couldn't get close to the fire that others were surrounding.

Restless, we took another walk up past the wolves whose beady eyes we'd see from time to time in the distance between the fencing and their wide open spaces to roam and wander — and pace.

By this point, Amanda (pronounced Ahh-Maan-Da) and I had been talking nonstop for about 3 hours. We are home together when we finally drop our busyness and make time to get together or talk on the phone.

We were walking arm-in-arm in the dark. Few people were interested in the wolves by this point, choosing to be near the music and the fire instead.

That's when a single howl rung out, stopping us in our tracks.

And then another howl.

And another.

And another.

Soon, all the wolves were howling.

It was haunting and delightful and profound and one of the most spiritual sounds I've ever heard.

It was their song. But, was it sadness? Was it liberation? Was it celebration?

We'll never know, but that sound will live inside of me forever.

I've never felt that free to release like that.

I yearn to be wilder than I am.

I consider myself tame -- which is why in 2022 my word of the year was untamed. I’ve let Good Girl Syndrome take over for far too long. That year, I did my best writing and had some amazing experiences. It was one of the best guiding words I've ever chosen.

Untamed me is perhaps not as far off from real me.

In fact, sometimes I can easily call myself feral as well.

I am not like the others. I run down alleys to avoid people. I don't wear shoes most of the time when I'm working. I live and breathe spiritual well-being, which I am sure sets me apart from the masses. I am woke. I am awake. I am aware of every nuance that unfolds around me.

Trapped in a space where I don’t feel free, I will pace and scratch to get out.

And, writing is my version of howling.

Yes, that’s it.

Maybe, I just want my howls to be heard.

When wolves howl in harmony like that it’s called a pack rally. "A rally occurs when the pack howls together in chorus. It is a call to assembly, a territorial claim, a declaration of solidarity, and a celebration of being alive and being together." according to the Living With Wolves Museum website in Idaho.

I guess, in a way, I long for a pack rally and have been doing that in my own way by writing online for 15 years.

Writing can be a way to call in our people — to be together, to laugh together and to vent together as we fear the unknown and uncertainty of what lies ahead. It’s our way of celebrating our wildness, too.

By gathering together we are declaring solidarity and celebrating being alive together during this unprecedented time.

I recently learned there's something called Howl at the Moon Day.

"Worldwide Howl at the Moon Night is celebrated every year on October 26th. This unique day encourages people to step outside and connect with the wild by howling at the moon."

According to the Days of the Year website, this special holiday was created by Johnny DePalma in 2009. He wanted to create a unique event where people across the globe could feel connected by participating in a shared activity — howling at the moon.

Some of the ways we can celebrate this holiday -- which is coming up -- is host a howl at the moon gathering, host a bonfire or just sit under the moon and howl -- quietly or out loud.

But, as a loner, I want to celebrate in my own way.

It won't be a full moon for this year’s Howl at the Moon Day.

But, that's not the point.

The point is to release, celebrate, mourn, yearn and growl if you must -- let your soul speak as wildly and as feral as it would like.

And, of course, we must remember to just be wild and to keep rewilding and rewilding until we call back our creativity, our muse, our spiritual longings.

What song does your howl sing?

What words need to be shared with the masses?

What anger, rage, sadness, fear needs to ring out for all to be heard?

“Be wild; that is how to clear the river. The river does not flow in polluted, we manage that. The river does not dry up, we block it. If we want to allow it its freedom, we have to allow our ideational lives to be let loose, to stream, letting anything come, initially censoring nothing. That is creative life. It is made up of divine paradox. To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one’s mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down.”

-- Clarissa Pinkola Estés