Roots of Support for the Strong Ones
What do you need ... Who do you need ... to support your Braving YES Journey?
Welcome to Braving YES — a totally FREE courage boosting newsletter to help you with your next Brave YES! I am a business strategist & courage coach for female thought leaders, creatives and business owners. Learn more about my business strategy and courage coaching HERE. And … if you are interested, Book a FREE coaching exploratory call with me here.
During a coaching session this week, one of my clients told me about a time in her life when she felt truly supported.
It was when she was working with a postpartum doula, someone who allowed her to do what she needed to do, would bring her coffee, would hold the baby, would give her space to breathe and tend to her needs.
Ah, doesn’t that sounds wonderful?
Courage and resilience thrive when we are supported. It’s essential to the Brave YES Journey.
In the context of this discussion, my client had a beautiful Brave YES breakthrough that was truly powerful to witness. I am in awe.
But, in the back of my mind there was something else lingering that I shared with her:
We often get the best support from paid professionals.
She nodded her head in extreme agreement.
This has been true for me. And, it was true for her as well.
My personal story is one of loss, abandonment and rejection. I won’t bore you with the details but suffice it to say everyone — and I mean everyone — in my family has left me.
Times in my life when I did muster up the courage to ask for help were denied.
The Strong Girl Facade
This created a Strong Girl Facade that I polished and perfected in my personal life for the past 20 years while carrying, birthing and raising twins.
My Strong Girl Facade formed because asking for help became trauma-filled — opening up my core wound of rejection.
But, there was one area in my life where I did learn to reach out and reach up for help — and that was in my role as a creative and business owner.
There is no doubt on this planet that I would not still be a coach after 12 years if I hadn’t reached out and reached up for help, support, motivation and guidance.
Over the last decade, I have reached out to colleagues across the globe to lift each other up, share each other’s work, challenge each other.
And, while those supports have been priceless, it was the paid professionals that I credit the most to my success.
Reaching Out vs. Reaching Up
I created a STRONG model for cultivating resilience in 2020. It was part of my positive psychology certification through the Wellbeing Institute.
During the process of creating this model, my mentor said it was great but I was missing one crucial piece: support.
After some research, I decided to focus on reaching out vs. reaching up.
Reaching out to offload our emotions and struggles and celebrations — to friends, to colleagues, to siblings or family members — is something that many of us either do really well or do not do at all. There’s very little in between. We either have those built-in supports or we don’t. I am someone who does not have that consistently and so I have learned to find other ways to offload my struggles (journaling, walking, movement, meditation).
Reaching Up, however, is easier but not easy
Reaching up is needed when we choose to take our idealistic visions and goals and motivations to those who truly have the time, space and energy to support us in mind, body or spirit.
This can be a spiritual advisor, a therapist, a coach, a mentor. Who you reach UP to matters because they need to be fully vested in your interest and willing to give you undivided attention.
This is the kind of support I have learned to seek out, particularly in business, spirituality and creativity but it hasn’t always been affordable or accessible and that creates its biggest flaw in the support system.
That said, that support has still been the best I’ve ever had.
My first mentor was a mom of a friend in high school. She was truly a cheerleader for me. She believed in me and encouraged me. I could tell her anything. She modeled unconditional support.
My first business mentor helped me transition out of freelancer/blogger to CEO of my business. She helped me design a 6-figure business that lasted eight full years that filled me up in so many ways.
There were countless paid professionals along the way since then … someone who helped me write a book proposal, someone who helped me learn copywriting, someone who helped me understand pricing.
And, my favorites are spiritual teachers who create safe spaces for me to explore my own spiritual wellbeing and interests.
For my clients, they are looking for someone who can help hold space for their longings, find clarity in how to proceed and to be held accountable to finally, finally doing what they want to do for themselves.
Seeking Out Roots of Support
What do you need? Who do you need?
Imagine yourself a tree.
What do you need to thrive in life’s storms?
What do you need to remain strong and steady when the winds try to blow you over and shake your branches all at once?
You need more than you think and you can’t do it alone.
Once you realize you can’t do it all alone, when you don’t have the perspective or the capacity or the know-how to do it all without a little help from a friend, you need to first understand what it is that you need.
Do you need guidance and clarity? Do you need someone to tell you what to do because you are so tired of trying to figure it out on your own? Tired of spinning your wheels?
Do you need support? Someone to truly care about your dreams and your desires? Someone who can hold the nuances of your setbacks and struggles? Someone who can offer perspective in the struggle?
Do you need community? Do you need to be surrounded by like-minded people who can inspire you and motivate you?
Do you need to be challenged? Do you need someone to hold you accountable and push you a bit out of your own comfort zone and be honest with you?
Whatever you need, the next step is deciding who you can feel safe with while sharing those needs
If you struggle with trust, you’re going to proceed into this part of the work of reaching out and reaching up carefully.
Consider your values, your strengths and how you want to feel when you share what’s on your heart.
Reaching out and reaching up is not for the faint at heart, especially when it comes to your deepest desires and cravings.
But, courage and resilience thrive when you are truly supported and rooted in nourishing connection.
BRAVE YES PROMPT: What do you need to reach your next Brave YES? Make a list. And then … ask yourself this: Who will be my No. 1 support person in this? Who will offer unconditional support, fierce encouragement and wise guidance on your journey to your next Brave YES?