The Practice of Positivity

Positive emotions don’t get enough headlines these days.

Over the past week, I’ve woken up and gotten to the page to write only to feel frustrated, agitated, like something was wrong.

Except nothing was wrong.

Ah, but nothing was right, either.

Have you ever felt this?

This is the epitome of what languishing is/feels like/sounds like in an otherwise ordinary life.

Nothing’s wrong but nothing’s great …

Nothing Should be Languishing -- Especially Not You

If you are like me, you don’t like that feeling.

And, thankfully I don’t experience it that often.

As I was writing about this in my morning dump fest/journaling session, I realized about 5 paragraphs in that wallowing in my pitiful outlook was not going to help me at all.

So, I decided I needed to invoke some inspiration to feel better.

One spiritual well-being read and a bit of a rabbit hole later, I was inspired to write.

A blog post.

Not here on Substack, but on my coaching website.

And, not just any blog post — one that I was feeling, too.

About wintering when there is no time to winter.

The blog post is great for female business owners and if it calls you, please read it, but it’s not the point of this piece.

The point was the realization that I needed to feel inspired … to foster positive emotions to prevent a further slide into negativity.

A Languisher's Guide to Cultivating Positive Emotions in Messy Times of Change and Uncertainty

When we lean into positive emotions, we are more resilient and can do anything we set our minds to as we are working through the messy middle of reaching our next level in life, business or work.

Positive emotions don’t get enough headlines these days.

Positive Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and her research team found that there are 10 emotions that we can draw on to feel more positive and to have stronger sense of wellbeing.

These emotions are easy to tune into but also easy to push away in preference to negative emotions that our brains like to latch onto especially in times of uncertainty, fear and change.

In the interest of really challenging you to step out of languishing and into your Brave YES era in 2025, I’m going to pull from Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart and other resources to describe these emotions in full color rather than just a list.

Cultivating positive emotions in times of hardship, uncertainty and change

In her book, Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown lumps joy, serenity and gratitude as places we go “when life is good.”

Ah, but that’s actually not how resilience works, according to positive psychology and Fredrickson and the work I did to become certified in positive psychology.

The truth is, we must take actions that spark joy, serenity and gratitude and that is required of us when times are uncertain, when big change is unfolding or when we are stuck in a downward, negative spiral of emotions.

Upleveling is Messy.

Here’s how Brené’s research defines these positive emotions:

JOY — An intense feelings of deep spiritual connection, pleasure and appreciation.

SERENITY (CALM) — Creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity. Calm is an intention.

GRATITUDE — An emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others.

To cultivate joy, serenity or gratitude when life “is not good” or not necessarily great, you can begin with tapping into what brings you joy, what helps you feel calm, and grasp for every tiny reflection of gratitude in your life.

The Pleasure of Celebrating (and even bragging!)

Believe it or not, pride is a positive emotion worth cultivating!

One of the No. 1 reasons female visionaries and creatives come to me for coaching is because they want to be seen, heard and valued for their ideas, efforts or wisdom. Women, especially, are so tired of being overlooked and not taken seriously.

Pride is a positive emotion we need to embrace and work with.

Here’s what Brené’s team has defined for pride

PRIDE — a feeling of pleasure or celebration related to our accomplishments or efforts.

To cultivate pride when perhaps you are feeling trapped, envious or full of scarcity is a simple practice that I offer to my clients every single week — write down every single little Tada! you can list at the end of your day and share one or more with your wider circle or a family member. Tada! look what I did! (rather than a to-do.)

Moving beyond ourselves is essential

In order to truly feel like we are thriving, we must zoom out and seek out moments that connect us to something bigger.

Brené’s book says “we go beyond us” when we experience emotions like awe, wonder, surprise and curiosity.

I’m a big fan of cultivating experiences in my life that bring more awe into my life. And, I am a perpetual student of curiosity.

Here’s what Brené’s team has defined emotions that we feel when we move beyond ourselves

AWE (Wonder)— Wonder inspires the wish to understand; awe inspires to let shine, to acknowledge and to unite.

CURIOSITY — Recognizing a gap in our knowledge about something that interests us and becoming emotionally and cognitively invested in closing that gap through exploration and learning.

INTEREST — A cognitive openness to engaging with a topic or experience.

To cultivate awe, curiosity or interest, put yourself in new experiences or challenge yourself to close a gap on something that has been on your list for a long time. Awe can be found in nature, in music, in poetry, in a child’s face or a dog’s pink nose. Pay attention and the wonders never cease.

Messy times call for messy fun and laughter

I often tell the story that I had my whole family take the Via Character Strengths test many years ago.

My top strengths resulted in honesty, zest, perspective, appreciation of beauty and spirituality.

Theirs: Humor.

Every single member of my immediate family had a strength in humor except me.

The world started to make a whole lot more sense to me after that realization.

Humor is something we can cultivate to boost our well-being and resilience.

"When humor goes, there goes civilization." –Erma Bombeck

So, what is humor? How can we cultivate it?

First, let’s look at how it’s defined by Brené Brown.

AMUSEMENT (Humor) — Appeals to one’s sense of humor. It’s pleasurable, relaxed excitation. When we feel amusement, we feel playful with those around us.

As a Chief Serious Person, I can affirm that when I relax, play and lean into pleasure and amusement or humor, I am a better person.

To cultivate humor, allow more pleasure in your life. Seek out pleasure. Create pleasure. Allow yourself to receive pleasure. And, of course, create pleasure for others as well.

Operating Instructions for an Open Heart

A lot of my clients are surprised that they don’t test higher in LOVE as a character strength.

That’s when I say, LOVE is a given but it’s also a practice.

In the book Atlas of the Heart, Brené describes LOVE as being an emotion we feel when we have an open heart.

Thus begins the practice of cultivating love … opening your heart.

LOVE — “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow.”

To cultivate love, allow yourself to be open, to be seen, to be fully understood. Share yourself.

The Journey to Greater Well-Being in Messy Times Begins with Hope

Hope is the one positive emotion that was very hard for me to embrace or explain until I saw this definition.

It’s easy to feel hopeless. That is something we can all understand and grasp.

But, to have hope in hard times, uncertain times, messy times, is a whole different playing field.

And yet, when HOPE is simplified into its most organic state, it’s really quite simple.

To wish, to dream, to pursue, to persist, to keep going is to hope.

HOPE — “A cognitive process that can be defined as “a trilogy of goals, pathways and agency.” We lean into hope when we set goals for ourselves. We lean into hope when we establish the pathway to reach those goals. We lean into hope when we believe in ourselves to follow that path and reach those goals.”

To cultivate hope: Imagine yourself where you want to be and take one step and then another to get you there.

“We need hope like we need air.” — Brené Brown

I’ve spent my whole career as a coach helping my clients around the world foster positive emotions.

I was leading with positive psychology long before I was certified.

And, it’s something I dial into every single day as a practice for my own well-being.

To create a positive upward spiral, simply give yourself time and space to create the world you want to live in.

And … begin.